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Low Self Esteem Revelations - Part 3 - The "Stages" in Self Esteem
There has already been some remarkable research to show how the environment of one's parents can leave an imprint on a baby that affects them later on in life.
So it is with the 'inner esteem environment'.
If a mother has low self-esteem and is surrounded by an environment of negativity there will be an impact on her baby.
Later on in life her child who now suffers from low self-esteem may think the fault is all theirs and look for cures in this respect, when actually the root cause is far deeper and so the treatment needs to be very different.
By childhood we are starting to become 'self aware' so there is an element of differentiation.
Once again, however we are taught to follow by example and that the child should always view their thoughts on the world as lesser to those of the adult.
So again the child is very impressionable to emotional states of mind and negative feedback.
In reality the environmental spectrum is extended as this negativity now not only comes from the immediate family but can also come from school friends and relations.
This can now become a vicious cycle.
For example: a child is told from birth that 'no one will like them because they never smile'.
At school the child can then begin to associate any rejection with the fact that they don't smile.
In fact the child will even go as far as to say to their schoolmates: 'I bet you don't like me because I don't smile or because I have a terrible smile'.
Schoolmates will often say 'yes' to this even if it is not true.
That then further lowers the self-esteem of the child and so becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Adolescence presents its own problems because now you have the extra complications of hormones and inner chemical reactions impacting an emotional state.
By adolescence most people are fully aware but are now seeking confirmation and affirmation of their perceived identity.
Now if that perceived identity until now has been made up of negativity and low self-esteem then a person will actually be looking for further confirmation of this.
In fact in the absence of any help or support they can actually block out anything 'but' confirmation of their low-esteem issues.
One young boy I helped up until adolescence believed that their nose looked funny.
This belief mainly came about because the boys mother had always said this from the time he was a child.
At school therefore any mention of facial features gave this boy a complex about his nose.
For this boy it became so bad that he never talked to girls for fear of rejection and constantly thought about plastic surgery.
It took me six months of solid work to change round the perceptions built up over 15 years.
Each of the categories above can likewise be broken down into their constituent values and impacts.
Each of these values has a different effect on self-esteem.
Some may be very minimal and others may be very profound.
Only by understanding each of the value impacts can one start to understand the 'self' in low self-esteem and so devise a remedy.